You guys!! It's my best friend's 20th birthday today! In honor of this beautiful soul and her being my main squeeze, I'm going to be dedicating this blog post to her. So, today's blog will be centered around the importance of friendship.
Lizzie and I have been friends for around 12 or 13 years and it has been an amazing 12 or 13 years. There was a period of time where we weren't in contact with each other (no other reason other than I left the Girl Scout troop and moved) and were miraculously and thankfully reunited perhaps a year or two later. Sure, we've had disagreements and some fights, but that hasn't changed our love for one another. Want to know why? It's because we center our friendship around God and we point out to each other when we aren't acting like ourselves. We don't sit idly by and let each other crumble. We are truly there for each other and we are honest with each other. We call each other a breath of fresh air because of that and because I think our friendship is so so sweet.
I've had friendships in the past where I basically supported my friend in everything they did even if I knew it was going to lead down a dark path. I thought that I was loving my friend by doing that, but instead, my friend suffered. Those friends, too, treated me the same way and now we aren't as close as we used to be.
Friendships are not meant to be completely tolerant of what the other person does. Friendship is about exercising true love for the other person. Well, what is true love? What does it mean? What does true love call us to do?
Let's begin looking at what it looks like without true love first.
1 Corinthians 13 comes to mind first. Most people say these verses in their wedding vows (which is fantastic!), but it is also meant as a guide for how to love ALL people, including our friends. Let's begin.
"...If I speak in the tongues of men, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal..." (1 Corinthians 13: 1).
Here, we establish that speaking (and later we find out acting) without love is basically just us making a bunch of sound or movement without any substance or foundation (which is God because He IS love). In other words, we are offering empty words and gestures. It makes me think of an overlooked scene in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet Act I, Scene 4.
In this scene, Romeo and his best friend Mercutio are at a masquerade dance. Romeo is still lovesick over Rosaline and Mercutio is getting tired of it because Romeo won't. stop. obsessing. So, Romeo begins talking about dreams.
Romeo: I dream'd a dream to-night.
Mercutio: And so did I.
Romeo: Well, what was yours?
Mercutio: That dreamers often lie.
Dang! Tough crowd. Mercutio basically said, "Yea, this isn't true love and you're fooling yourself."
I'm sure most of us are familiar with the story, that Romeo's infatuation with Rosaline then transfers to Juliet and Mercutio is STILL skeptical and continues to tell him so. Of course, Romeo doesn't listen, but Mercutio, to the end, demonstrates true love and friendship by calling out Romeo for what his "love" truly is: obsessive infatuation.
Mercutio's behavior relates to 1 Corinthians 13: 1 because he wasn't just throwing caution to the wind and saying, "Yea bro, you're totally in love with Rosaline and you should chase that feeling." That would be an example of sounding like a "resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." Instead, Mercutio demonstrated true love (even if a bit teasing) by saying, "Buddy, you aren't in love with her, you just think you are because 1) she's not into you and 2) you think she's gorgeous."
Now, we are brought to the question of what true love is. The rest of 1 Corinthians 13 is excellent for explaining what true love is (and I encourage you to read it), but I'm going to move away from those amazing verses for right now. We are going to be looking at Proverbs 10.
"The wise stores up knowledge, but the mouth of the fool invites ruin... The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of sense." (Proverbs 10: 14, 21).
Okay, a lot of things to unpack here. Proverbs is a go-to for living wisely (well, the whole Bible is, but Proverbs provides so many guidelines for specifically living wisely and it is suuuuper convicting), but I also like to consider it as a book that guides us on how to interact and have relationship with others in the most genuine and loving way possible.
Verse 14. The knowledge that Solomon is talking about here is the Word of God. We must turn again and again to the Gospel in order to know more about God's heart in addition to finding answers to doing life. God's Word is the only thing that has never and will never change and provides us the knowledge to move forward in life with God thriving in our hearts. One of the things that we must store up knowledge of is how to have proper friendships that are godly. Doing this will build discernment within our hearts about what aligns with God's Word and what does not. This is essential to having lasting friendships because we are all sinners that don't always align our lives with God's Word. That is why God gave us true love and friendships to keep us on the right track and call us out.
On the other hand, "the mouth of the fool invites ruin." The "fool" here refers to worldly individuals who turn from God's Word and lean on their own understanding. And, yes, sometimes, any of us can become the fool. I know that I was and still act that way sometimes when I'm being stubborn. The mouth of the fool speaks death into the hearts of their friends. If one of your friends is going into something that you know will hurt them (whether it be a bad relationship, sexual immorality, gossiping, etc) and you encourage them or, better yet, remove yourself completely from being involved, you are inviting ruin into their lives. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." The truth of God's Word! We need to be honest with our friends and speak the Word of Life into them. Now, that doesn't mean that they will always agree or listen, but it is our job as followers of Christ to be the salt and light of the earth despite the persecution we may face. Actively knowing a friend is going to do something, or is considering going to do something, that will bring ruin into their lives and not saying anything about it is not truly loving your friend. And it's hard to be honest and speak truth. It's hard to call friends out because they are your friends and we don't want to hurt them. But they will be hurt a lot more if we do not call on the knowledge God's Word provides us and speak to them about it WITH LOVE. As verse 21 says in Proverbs 10, "the lips of the righteous nourish many." Although we might not see it in the moment, speaking God's Word into the lives of our friends is good for their bones and is refreshing to their souls. There is a reason God says to come to Him, the living water. God plants a seed and nourishes it. God is our fulfillment and Savior. He is the only one that can heal us and direct us down a path free of shame.
Finally, I want to point out Proverbs 27:17
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
This is why it is so important that we become knowledgeable in the Word of God. Because the Gospel is constant and unchanging, we must rely on it for everything, especially building relationships. When sharpening a blade, it is best to strike it against another to sharpen it. Iron against iron strengthens the quality of both blades. But to become iron, both parties need to be rooted in the Word of God. Without it, we become aimless and fail to strengthen anyone because we ourselves are not strong within the Word.
Furthermore, God created us to be in community, in relationship. Without someone else of iron, we become dull and rot away. We need others. We especially need others that will be honest with us and let us know when we are straying from the Word or not acting like ourselves. We are not meant to live life alone and we are not meant to live life in darkness. Because we are all sinners, we need someone to call us out and speak the Word of God into our lives. God did not send His only son to die on the cross for our sins just for us to continue living in shame and brokenness. God calls us to come to Him for guidance and forgiveness and healing. One of the ways He does this is through our community and friendships. Again, friends that simply support you in everything you do, even the wrong, are not true friends acting in true love. That doesn't necessarily mean they are bad people either and that doesn't mean that you're a bad person either (we've all been there where we should've done or said something). But, we must be the salt and the light. We must speak love through truth and knowledge. We must rely on God's Word to guide us in our friendships and to strengthen us so we can sharpen others. Then, and only then, are we truly loving our friends and nourishing their souls, helping them grow into the people they are meant to be.
So, who are you walking with? What is the relationships with your friends like? Are you nourishing your friends in truth and love? Take some time to pray to God about your friendships. Ask Him to guide you and give you strength in this friendship(s).
Happy Birthday, Lizzie. I am so thankful for you and your strength. I love you <3
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